I spent the day getting ready. Primping, finding just the right clothes, and imagining his eyes when they met mine. Tight denim clung to my hips, cowboys that amused him, and a silk tank sunk low in a V to just above my breasts. I knew he would peak at any moment. He wanted me and I wanted him with the same urgency.
I checked myself one last time in the rearview mirror…nerves fluttered from my throat to my toes and I could hardly swallow. All I had to do was get out of the car, my hand trembled as I reached for the handle……swallow…..deep breath…. and finally the warm summer air swirled around me. Engulfed in the evening sunset, I grabbed my cooler from the back of the car and came around the cabin and there he was.
Our eyes met but he did not come over to me. I talked to everyone before it seemed that we made our way together by force. I hugged him, I was shaking, he trembled and I could feel his soft sweaty palms through my silk shirt. We both wanted to hold on but even then it may have seemed a second to long.
He gave me a cold one and moved back around to the other side of the fire pit. He kept his distance but every time I looked at him, he was looking at me. The same smile and spark in those blue eyes.
It had been years. So long since we looked at each other, saw each other’s eyes, and how it felt when just the two of us looked at each other. So long……. since we talked and spent years talking, and not enough time showing each other how much we loved each other.
In an all consuming way, where nothing seemed to fit without the other. Somehow, we carried on along side each other…watching and waiting for the other to take the first step. There was never a first step. Maybe a few seconds of hands touching, a mere kiss on the cheek, but later much later things changed. Things evolved and it became clear to me.
The moment I knew, I came back from a run. There was a wet mist in the air. I was feeling defeated by my week, all alone, and my mind found him waiting in the dark corners. I stretched, and rested after my shoes pounded pavement and it started to rain. The kind of rain that washes away your soul…my hair matted wet on my shoulders, my clothes stuck to every curve in my body like glue and just like that, I knew.
I wanted him and I needed him.