Expected the Unexpected

How do I tell you when I started loving you….it was long before you noticed me?   I wanted you to see me and not her.  I wanted and waited for you to kiss me and you didn’t. I know you wanted her.  We talk on the phone for hours but it was usually about her. I finally got a card tossed on the maroon seat of your car that said “expect the unexpected”.

Younger; I loved that you were older, stronger, always so kind and your soft skin with a foreign smell.  After years of knowing you… the scent of Curel lotion.  Years later, I still buy it.  No one knows why, but me.  I suppose, a silly reminder of the past.

I always found myself watching you when I saw you, I would sneak a peak…I memorized all your smiles.  I could tell when you were up or down. We both leaned on each other…. we should have been better together like we planned-we would have been, if things were different.

Your smile is hidden in my memory…. its strange after year’s you forget a lot of the bad and remember the good.  It doesn’t change anything. We have moved on.

My happiness for the place you are in now is unmeasurable.  It didn’t work with us but things do find a way of working themselves out, in time.  I respect our choice, in the end of it all. It needed to happen.  Years and Years later, we are here separate.  Living our wonderful lives. But I can still remember you.

I harbor no hatred, no judgment, but a sense of clarity and a bit of happiness in my soul that we have made it to the places where we once wanted to be, together.  Separately now, with the people I believe we were meant to find.

We tried to meet at times after the relationship, very few times but it was distant, we had hurt each other equally and I could never apologize for some of my choices.  They were simply to awful and selfish, I am so sorry for what did to you.

I was too young and jealous, so jealous.  I own that I helped ruin us…but I also learned about true love.  Real love, forgiving love, and how to love someone unconditionally.

I hope that you love your life, your struggles are few, your joy is plentiful, that you have found IT!  Your one true love!

My mind finds you quietly every once in a while-Curel lotion, a certain song, a certain movie, and specific street sign.

In my head, in that moment, I wish you well, send a blessing your way, happiness to you and your family.

 

 

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