At 3am on a Tuesday, I woke up suddenly, got out of bed after tossing and turning for an hour and came to the living room. I tore sheets of blank paper out of a notebook I had and started writing about the DREAM I had just had. Simply put, that dream is my first book, “Grandpa’s Orchard.”
Dreams are important! Dreams challenge you and force you to face your inner most insecurities. For me, with my writing I never thought I would be sitting where I am today. I dreamt about being published and have openly spoken about it for years. I wanted to write not just for me but for my family, my children, to share myself with the world and to leave something behind that could make a difference.
Having this dream for me, or anyone having a dream for themselves is about having faith that what will be, will be. Taking a blind leap knowing you have prepared the best way possible and once you leap you believe and have faith you will land where you are meant to be. In my experience, when we (my husband and I) have taken that leap we have always landed in a far better place than we thought we ever would. But for my writing, this was all on me. Leaping on my own was scary.
In my inner circle it became something I just said and about a year ago I took a hard look at my dreams. I knew that if I spent my whole life worrying about how to take care of everyone else’s needs and dreams (which I willing did), where would I be in another five years. Who would I be? Would I like that person? I knew I would regret not taking a leap!! I would have always wondered. These questions alone made me start writing again.
I knew at the least that if I wrote I would feel more self-accomplishment, more fulfilled in my life, and more alive! And when I first started writing again it was not a children’s book, a children’s book wasn’t even on my list of things to write.
I still remember the day. I sat down in my writing nook, with a pen and paper and started writing from a writing prompt that was given to me years ago in high school.
“Now is Still Unknown.”
I have had numerous people in my life encourage me to keep writing, they would encourage me to write a book, poetry or short stories…just keep writing even if it’s just for you, they would say. Deep down I always knew I was a writer, it started the day I entered my creative writing class in high school. I was given a chance with pen, paper, and I felt it running through my veins – like someone punching me in the gut.
For years, I wrote about everything in my life. The intensity of my writing grew when I had great tragedies in life…I still write my way through some of these. Someday, I want to publish these pieces of me that are raw, secret, locked inside – unknown to many but I want to publish them and share them because my gut tells me my words will help people. I believe in writing what hurts, for me its about letting go of the past and if there is a lesson learned I can share to help even one person. I feel drawn to do so. There is great power in this and great healing.
On Thursday, I opened the mail box and found two very thin boxes inside. I noticed the return address from “authorscript” which really meant nothing to me but as I pulled back the card board in disbelief my book revealed itself to me. One hard cover and one soft cover in my hands. It was one of the best feelings I have ever had in my life. I tore out the the front door running across the farm to my husband, partially in tears I tried to speak and thrust the books forward in my hands. I know I babbled something but I have no idea what. In that moment, I had done it. I had fulfilled my dream!!!
My dream wasn’t a dream anymore; it was a reality! This feeling I have had for the last 2 and half days is indescribable! I am relishing in these moments, taking it all in, I don’t want to miss a thing, I want to celebrate and shout from the rooftop. Now more than ever, I am driven to finish the next two books. And I can proudly say, I am an author.
Back to the pen and paper, friends. Dream big!!