There are times when family comes together whether it be for Labor Day, Birthdays, or the most celebrated holidays like Christmas but then there are other times that you plan to see each other for no other reason but to just “visit” my family often says. It is the event of just “being” in the same space, same moment, just laughing together…even if you had plans during your time together to forage the bounty of agriculture around you, go to a famous water park, or finally have family photos taken because you are all together. It is these moments that the days and hours don’t matter. Just take that cliché’ term and really “relish in the moments” you have together. No one really knows how much time we have left in this life.
There are so many “holidays” to be together but what about all the months, days, and moments together?? My family was together over the weekend…two birthdays and an anniversary celebrated together. There is hustle and bustle, getting to this place and that, everyone having their own idea about what should or should not happen when we are all together. But that all falls away when you come together with the people you KNOW will always be there.
It was in the moments of sitting in my living room reading “meme’s” from the internet with my sister and our kids in the back room playing that I looked over at her and realized I could just be in the same room with her and know that my life could be peeled back like the skin of an onion and all “my tribe” would be in those layers. In the same space with her makes me feel whole, understood, and complete. She is of my “people”!
Over the years I have gained and lost people in my life…sometimes for the best and for the worst of reasons but these people were placed in my life for a purpose. I have celebrated the holidays with these people. Some are easier to let go of than others. I have learned that other than a few select humans; my family is what is–still, concrete, and steadfast in my life.
I have been told by many over the years to “not over think it” but that is just part of who I am and I don’t think it is necessarily always a negative quality but with some, I think this is how they see it. I admit, to thinking about the consequences of my actions, the things that I say and what will happen even before I have said them, way too much. I think about the words I am wanting to say to someone and then spend too much time trying to figure out if I am going to say them or ask them too much and often, I spend days going back and forth and thus, torturing myself with this second guessing and draining behavior in my life. This was all self inflicted!
There were times in the past that I spent endless amounts of time biting my tongue and trying to be the way I thought others thought I should be because I hate confrontation. I hate the feeling that others might think I am being rude or confrontational. However, who I was, was coming at an expense. There comes a point where you must say what you need too because it begins to tear you apart as a person. This can be where you start to lose who you are or were. So, don’t it! Please don’t!
There are very few people I let into my life some riskier than others but I trust, have faith, and believe the best of them. I will not lie but yes, I do get let down. I will still keep risking this because the value of a relationship/friendship sometimes can change your life forever.
The one true thing I know is that family will always be there. No matter what the circumstances. I could call anyone in my family and if I needed them, no matter what the day. My family is steadfast and loves me unconditionally.