Come As You Are by Crowder
Life catches you off guard. In the last year there have been significant moments where I have had to make choices and chose a new path. Along these journeys, it has given me a new vision, my faith has become stronger, and I have surprised myself at how strong I am even at my weakest. I see the world more clearly; I know that I would rather have fewer amazing people in my life than know the masses of the people around me. A tight knit “extended “family that knows my heart – just as I know theirs. This extended family shows up when the darkest of clouds are over head and when the sky’s are blue and the sun beats down on us we play in joy and laughter at the purest of moments where we find nothing better to do than just be in each other’s company for however long it lasts.
I have had days where life spins me in circles, feelings of being ripped off the ground and I struggle to find my footing. I forget sometimes to breath, pay attention to what’s going on around me and pay attention to self care. I wish I saw more givers and less takers in the world. I want to believe the best in people and forget about the opposite. But this is unrealistic.
People in general spend so much time hiding who they really are and acting in a way that seems natural but just isn’t – depression, disease, abuse, people who don’t have family, some who can’t see their family or children or the millions of people who don’t have a place to sleep or food to eat. I have been looking deep inside to find something that will fill this space or void I have carried around, this feeling of “I am not doing enough”. I said, I want to believe the best in people. I figure, if I am the best version of myself, I believe I can impact change.
This past year, I committed to start working out more frequently so I joined Cross-fit. It is unlike anything I have ever done physically in my life. I have pushed myself to the place where I say, “I can’t” and then others start to cheer you on and through the exertion, sweat, tears, and injuries I push myself to places and complete exercises I never thought my body could do. Yes, I fall but I get up and I have proven to myself that “I can”! I am strong, I get exhausted and I know when I hit that point of breaking, I am capable of pushing forward and not giving up! This “thing” I have become a part of, what I used to say was “insane” purely out of judgment. I participate in reguarlary and it has changed my life. I have power that I didn’t know I had. The gut-wrenching strength I have because I have proved it to myself. In this comes self-care, purpose, and not the idea of; but the self-truth that I will never give up. Cross-fit strips my mind and my body down to nothing and all I can do is to keep pushing forward. This may seem simple but it has empowered me to find great strength inside of myself.
I desire to share my writing about life and what it means to me through self discovery, instead of talking about how I want to help people, I think it is a shit or get off the pot scenario for me (this is a terrible analogy) …. quit talking about it. I need to do and not say. I need to take care of who I am because it has proven to give me great strength and empowerment. I need to get outside the bubble and pop it. All the while, keeping in mind, I need to stay focused on self care and self discipline. Take risks, give back, pray and continue to have faith in life that I am where I am supposed to be!
I have now jumped into a few things. I am a bit nervous and excited but only because of the unknown. I will finish my CASA training soon and I have just started the training process for the American Red Cross Disaster Response team. I have realized over and over…life is so short, too short. I have real life experience (so does everyone else) but for me it is the most obvious in my home with my children. Life changes so quickly. Do what drives you inside, allow yourself to discover new adventures if you have the means, even if you may go it alone for awhile, and may be outside of your comfort zone. Don’t second guess yourself. You may find a new calling something you are drawn too, carry your faith with you and push forward. Keep moving.
I have taken so many leaps this past year – I am not going to drone on about them but if you know me, you may know of my “leaps”. Instead of being complacent I have had to hit the reset button on me. I so value being raw with my people – cut the bullshit and just lay it out there. I don’t want to believe or live in a fantasy world that life is all rainbows and butterflies. Life is also about struggles and never giving up. Take this one life you have and live it!
You can find this in your soul (something pushing you to look for, a person, a place; something simply unexpected and it’s your choice to step off the cliff whether you dive or jump you will instinctively come up for air. Take that leap of faith and in time you just might find a better understanding of yourself and a new purpose. You can find yourself shifting paths, the future is uncertain but what you might find ahead in your new surroundings is a place you find a new hope, a sense of purpose, and a new comfortable fit for exactly who you are now, perhaps a new calling – today keep moving forward with your faith, knowledge and strength.
There is so much life out there, so many moments, so many adventures…so use this opportunity to get up and get moving. The world needs more of these people rather than the whiners and waiters.