This. Ed Shenan
Darcy Thomas Kirk
This. Ed Shenan
In another time, our next escape?
You would open up to me, just a liitle more
Share with me
what’s on the inside of you
you would take me
to those places that
you hold on too
the places where you dream
places where you feel alive…
You would share…
more than hour or two
between crisp cotton sheets
tell me who you are
show me without words
you could be silent with me
–just be there
in each other’s closeness
quiet and safe
we never blame each other…
to play and to just be
you would need me
in a way that didn’t require words
something is getting closer,
what we are in secret and
to each other an undiscussed definition
never… really know when you will return
exhausted, worn, and mentally changed…
I can trust and wait
there is a magnetic pull
deep inside you alaways seem to
us coming and going
forward and backward
in and out of our own lives
your wisdom, strength, and Sincerity
in our words on a screen, I hear your strain,
your change in alliteration, single word responses
without asking……you summer,,,,undescribed… i hope
the ink of definitions
defining your life in pieces
you protect yourself – always on the go
what would happen if you stayed?
Gave yourself time
Rest, Reboot, revive, breath…
We would come full circle…
Before the adventure begins a new for you
Gone this time a month, a couple weeks –
Sometimes no answer –
Your spirit, your eyes, big heart –
the way you wrap your strong arms tightly
Sneak away with me…
By Gary Allen
I woke this morning thinking of a friend of mine. The sound of rain hitting the window panes. I have known her for 18 years maybe more. I remember meeting her sitting across the table listening to her husband and my boyfriend rant on and on about farming. This was our first meeting. We were both nervous if we would get along with the other. By the end of the night we were peeing in the same stall calling each other best friends and how much we loved each other. She was in this amazing wool sweater and carried an awesome leather purse. It all started with the a McMenamins Ruby beer.
I would say she is a very close friend of mine. Real friends last a lifetime and as corny as that sounds I truly believe it. I have a few amazing friendships from high school that I adore and stay in contact with. I can call them at any time and life just changes…they will show up no matter what. She is the same.
Although, I have not been friends with this particular friend for as many years. It feels like a lifetime. We have been through high high’s and some low low’s and still we find our way back to each other. We continue on climbing the valleys and seeing amazing beauty in each other (I hope she feels that way J). Or I sound like an ass J Ha!
She is one of the strongest women I know, she says; what she means- and that is, how it is going to be; without question. She is the only woman I know who could actually kick a man’s ass no problem. I have actually seen it almost go down.
She has beauty, spunk, fire and is so feisty. She makes me laugh. Our memories are thick, deep, funny, emotional, but she is very dear to my heart. No matter what, if I called her I know she would be here if she could. She is completely an extrovert!! Opposite of me!
I am introvert down to my core! We have different ways communicate and solving problems. She has very high expectations for the people in her life. I respect her for that. I am lucky to know her.
Although we are very different and disagree on a few things here and there-our relationship has been steadfast despite where we are and where we are going. We have had our children around the same time and they have a special bond. I could write a novel on our relationship, everything we have been through.
Recently, we went camping and she showed an amazing amount of strength and courage in a very serious situation. She was strong, collected, and somehow as I helped I felt calmed by her. Later, something happened again and as I was the in the place she was before. I knew exactly what to do because of watching her moments early. I shouted her name and she came running and wrapped her arms around me so tightly…. after things calmed, she asked me how I was….
I don’t know if she saw the tears in my eyes but who wouldn’t want a friend like this.
The next Ruby is on me!
By A. Krauss[/audio
I love the smell of old books and seeing notes on the edges of the page and highlighted areas, words and phrases that meant something to someone else. The crunch of fall leaves. I love raw and honest conversations that can catch two people off guard and the intimacy that occurs in those moments. I love being surprised, spontaneous, risky and feeling safe in someone’s arms. I love “heat,” the crackling sounds and smells that come from a wood stove. I love to feel challenged mentally and physically. I love to surprise others! I love blankets. Soft thick heavy blankets and being buried underneath them. I love getting dressed up every once in a while. But I can’t beat my love for yoga pants, Hudson jeans, and perfectly worn out sweatshirts. I love writing. I love words. But I do not like texts because things get complicated, and thing become misinterpreted. I love exploring different environments – places I have never been, farms, fields, cities, and towns. Even more I love the high old growth trees that get lost in the sky, I love how they creak when the wind blows – the rain that drips from the needles… under these trees I would love a secret a place I only know about. A place that was mine.
Back by D. Bently
The trees change color around me
leaves fall and I feel that each
floats like a feather to the moist ground
gracefully carrying us to the new year
yellow, orange, and deep red
surround me in this foreign patch of
grass-tall fir trees tower above
they creak as the wind blows them
this and that way…
pacific northwest winds swoop in
the cool breeze brushes my bare arms
my grandfather’s military green sweater
oversized, itchy wool, a bit musty
wraps me in memories
barefoot I stand,
soil cold and wet
pine needles cover the path
McDonald Forest is my place
of solitude this morning
I look up to the sky
guarded by tree branches
eyes closed I can picture
beyond the pine needles
comforted by the silence
I walk for about an hour
and then back again
wind picking up and the chill
makes me quiver and shake
my worries swirl around me
stolen by the air
time comes to mind
I try to push it out
forcefully, I fail
the hustle and bustle not forgotten
I was unaware for hours
In the breeze, in nature
nothing seems to matter
where I can just be stand
in this moment
Sometimes it takes a new perspective to slap you across the face and wake you up. I don’t mean…a strong cup of coffee-type wake up, I mean…running into a brick wall at full speed ahead-wake up.
The same things happen day in and day out, there are seasons in everyone’s lives whether they are farmers, teachers, real estate agents, the list could go on and on. Everyone has a busy time and every one has a slower time. I can appreciate everyone’s busy and slow times-its about what you choose to do in those extra minutes that makes up the surprises in your life. The sparks, the twinkle you see in someone’s eye, the way someone smiles, or doing something for someone else expecting nothing in return.
Pay attention, people! We are surrounded every week by hundreds of people if you take the time to pay attention to others. Yesterday I was in the grocery store and I notice an older woman in a wheelchair putting back groceries as she added her items up with her coupons. I could see she was trying to figure out what she “wanted” and what she “needed”. My heart ached for her, I wanted to say something but I didn’t. I didn’t want her to feel embarrassed or offended by my reaching out to her. Or was it that I was projecting those feelings of mine onto her. My observation was she was was struggling.
As I continued to fill my cart with things that I needed and things that were not a necessity, I continued up and down the aisles, I passed the woman two more times. As I walked up and down the fourth aisle, I realized there was absolutely nothing in my cart that I or my family had to have in that exact moment. Maybe, the milk, the eggs but I knew none of those things were something that my family needed to survive for the next few days.
Selfishly, I walked to the checkout and started unloading my cart as I stood there waiting for my total, I saw the woman waiting three people behind me in line. Something in my gut told me to do something, it was instinctive. The guilt I was feeling walking around the store slapped me in the face. I decided, there is nothing I can do to change her life but I can at least help her pay for her groceries. I bought a gift card and asked the employee helping me to please give it to the women waiting in the line. The employee smiled and thanked me.
I left the store feeling pretty good, feeling blessed that I am able to provide for my family, and that we all can probably live on a lot less than we do. I am challenging myself to do something like this every week for someone…it doesn’t have to involve money…sometimes it’s as simple as picking up the phone and reaching out to someone you know is struggling, or stopping and smiling at someone.
I love the smell of old books and seeing notes on the edges of the page and highlighted areas, words and phrases that meant something to someone else. The crunch of fall leaves. I love raw and honest conversations that can catch two people off guard and the intimacy that occurs in those moments. I love being surprised, spontaneous, risky and feeling safe in someone’s arms. I love “heat,” the crackling sounds and smells that come from a wood stove. I love to feel challenged mentally and physically. I love to surprise others! I love blankets. Soft thick heavy blankets and being buried underneath them. I love getting dressed up every once in a while. But I can’t beat my love for yoga pants, Hudson jeans, and perfectly worn out sweatshirts. I love writing. I love words. But I do not like texts because things get complicated,
And nothing comes misinterpreted. I love exploring different environments – places I have never been, farms, fields, cities, and towns. Even more I love the high old growth trees that get lost in the sky, I love how they creak when the wind blows – the rain that drips from the needles… under these trees I would love a secret hideaway. The bottom of those timbers some what primitive. A ranch-style getaway like the one I grew up in. I love teaching. I love learning. Being inspired and inspiring others. I love sister trips and the Martin clan trips. I love watching my boys grow. A new love – watching them play basketball. I love that tipsy feeling where one let’s their walls down and becomes completely raw, they bare themselves naked. I love the way laughing with someone makes me feel. I love hot showers. I love rearranging furniture. All kinds of music…different cultures. I would love to take a year and travel with no certainty of where I might end up next. I love laughing, laughing in an intimate situation, sometimes quietly in inappropriate situations because that is the only way I will get through. I love my family. I love reconnecting with old friends and connecting with new ones. I love the depth of someone’s eyes. I love a good bottle of wine, lemon drops but my go to is beer. Hot tubs, walking in the rain, I love feeling loved without needing the words, I love looking through someone’s view of the world, their faith, life plan, and listening. Candlelight. Little spoons. Meeting a new person and feeling a connection in the first moments. Confidence but not arrogance. Swimming. Words. Volleyball. Cross-Fit. I love laying between the sheets. I love someone else making me coffee. I love a clean house. I love the smell of hops in August. I love taking life not to seriously – there is a time and place for all things in life but letting go and getting out of my head is indescribable. Being real. Being who I am and having courage without worrying about what others may think. I love the sound of an acoustic guitar. I love dive bars. I have started piano lessons and I love it! I love being with someone when I can watch them drift to sleep. I love truly knowing someone. I love living!! I love being surprised but this doesn’t happen anymore.
It’s been awhile. Harvest is always a terribly busy time. Every year I tell myself, “I got this” and every year near the end of harvest, I am trying to keep my head just above water for me to breath and the statement “I thought, I had this” always comes rushing back. After nine years, I still feel this. I write things down every year in my own secret “diary” so to speak, of ways I think I can prepare for the next year, what I could have done different this season, and I honestly have not perfected it yet. I don’t know if I ever will but I wasn’t raised to be a quitter. There is always hope for next year and I have eight months give or take, to make a new plan.
Inevitably everyone can apply this feeling, this sense of drowning– in their lives, careers, next chapters, finances, and relationships, etc. At some point, I believe most adults have felt this way in their lives. But it is up to each of us to decide whether we will sink or float. Sometimes it can be an agonizingly long process because the decisions need to be weighed equally, both sides need to be looked at and mentally calculated with precision and the time comes when we have to un-tie the cement blocks around our ankles and kick like hell to get our heads above water.
And as the tip of our nose, lips, chin, eyes open and we gasp for that first breath…that is the moment our decision has been made (take the leap, shit or get off the pot, or whatever reference works for you) is where instinctively, we know which decision we are going with…of course, there will be an adjustment period but moving forward with our gut feelings is what we all should pay a little more attention too.
Once we take that first step, we may be knee deep in the dark unchartered waters pulling those cement blocks forward again but our heads are above water. We have chosen and in that choice we all begin to create a different and new sense of comfort.
There is an infinite amount of decisions and choices we can make in our lives, they will affect the people around us and that is always something to consider but in my last days I would hope that my decisions were unselfishly chosen, my family always felt love from me, that I never intentionally tried to hurt someone, and most of all, that I was proud of the way I lived. Lots of adventure, risk-taking, and a whole lot of lovin’.
Light that squeezes tightly through an old fashion key hole
Light that drips up over the edge of a mountain and fills a valley
Light that breaks through the heavily wooded Douglas fir trees down to the moist soil
Sticks crack and break under my feet
Light paints the sky and slowly fills the Grand Canyon glowing in pinks, oranges, and yellows
Light sparkles from a diamond when the sun hits it just right
Light I invite into my home as I pull the blinds every morning filling the house room by room
Light means something different to everyone. It can be used in many sentences in many different ways. But for today. Light is how my soul feels.
Can I push you back inside for a few more hours? Busy places to be and give our time away? We own our troubles and different perspectives….so all of our giving and taking can uplift your mind just for doing something else for one in need. I crave more time.
I want to give you a still, even paced time to be relaxed for couple days, I always assume you are busy because I assume this could be a joke but my gut says it is set on the amazing character you have. You will call, text, etc. It is awful waiting. You have blood running deep within your personality, attraction, and curiosity. I assume with your character it the tough exterior which you only give a key to a very few in your life? I try to give you all your vices in one place whiskey, cigarettes, a breather between rounds, the heat turned up high just so you can turn it down. The scent of coffee reminds me of you no matter what the place, space, or time. Still I wonder where you are, when will long it be and if I will ever see you again.