Where does your Light come from?

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Light that squeezes tightly through an old fashion key hole

Light that drips up over the edge of a mountain and fills a valley

Light that breaks through the heavily wooded Douglas fir trees down to the moist soil

            Sticks crack and break under my feet

Light paints the sky and slowly fills the Grand Canyon glowing in pinks, oranges, and yellows

Light sparkles from a diamond when the sun hits it just right

Light I invite into my home as I pull the blinds every morning filling the house room by room

Light means something different to everyone.  It can be used in many sentences in many different ways. But for today.  Light is how my soul feels.

The scent of coffee

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Can I push you back inside for a few more hours? Busy places to be and give our time away? We own our troubles and different perspectives….so all of our giving and taking can uplift your mind just for doing something else for one in need. I crave more time.

I want to give you a still, even paced time to be relaxed for couple days, I always assume you are busy because I assume this could be a joke but my gut says it is set on the amazing character you have. You will call, text, etc. It is awful waiting. You have blood running deep within your personality, attraction, and curiosity. I assume with your character it the tough exterior which you only give a key to a very few in your life? I try to give you all your vices in one place whiskey, cigarettes, a breather between rounds, the heat turned up high just so you can turn it down. The scent of coffee reminds me of you no matter what the place, space, or time. Still I wonder where you are, when will long it be and if I will ever see you again.

 

 

April 1st – 2:30am

Streetlight by J. Radin

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Opportunities circle around my mind like a tornado. Tornados destroy homes, buildings, people and everything they cross paths with, my thoughts are filled with perspective changes, the things I desire in life and the changes I want to make and am currently making.   These tornadoes give me the sense of rebuilding and lifting up my own doubts and dumping them like in the book “Atlas Shrugged”.

I wish I could slow life down. Taking a deeper harder look at what to dump in my life that causes me to doubt myself, worry, stress about, anxiety that causes painful migraines. But instead I have been listening to my gut!

I really desire relationships that fulfill me, give me a new outlook on my life, remind me of how much I have and that it takes nothing to give back and I have made this a major focus in my life. I do want someone who respects me enough to give and to take, the world goes round and one just can’t be alone all the times. Whoever I am building a relationship with; new friend, rebuilding an old one, meeting a stranger and simply be moved by their energy and outlook on life. Whether new friends or old friends I have had a chance to figure out I love being spontaneous, surprising others, I like plans but most days I like to fly by the seat of my pants. I think there is a clear distinction of someone always doing the reaching out and then someone showing up when it is convenient.  I love this excitement and I continue to discover it.  This is something I am trying to figure out, it is not something I want to dump from my life I want to keep it but I try to keep my mind from its own torturous wanderings.  The thrill of excitement…and the unknown really spark a fire deep inside me. I want to go skydiving, bungee jumping and read my writing out loud along side the person who helped me find my voice. I just started my Masters in Creative Writing.

I am changing the way I see everything in my life as an opportunity.  I am making this change and continue too.  Certain days I am very aware and sometimes when I get off track, I need about five minutes to re-center and figure out what I am actually wanting to fight for that day. I find a way to change my perspective. I believe we all need to change our perspectives to see something new or to give something back. Even when I feel I have nothing to give it is my intention give more.

On occasion my mind can take over and I constantly have to remind my heart and head to stay moving ahead – looking toward the things ahead of me. Simply to enjoy the day I am in, the moments in that day. I want to feel challenged-the things that I have been struggling through– many people have decided the quit be content with an average life but for what?? There is only this one chance we have to live this life, 5 more years with my children at home, the days are numbered until I hit the big 40.  I am not afraid.  But I do know what people I want to be around, what people I want to share my life with, the getaways I want to go on, and what to do with my moments of freedom filled with spontaneity, excitement, playtime, a calm retreat in the thick of the mossy old growth trees.

I Welcome the Silences

Skinny Love by Birdysunclouds

“And while she never felt quite normal, she just loved too much. Choosing to see the world through her heart, instead of her eyes.”

*******

I welcome the silence this morning just as I did last night after my home was empty and calm.  The fireplace cast shadows over the destroyed living room and in that place I found quiet solitude and reflections from the last year.  The big moments hit my thoughts first and the smaller ones trickled through like snow melting drip by drip in my mind.

Last night, out of the 12 plates I was using; my brother grabbed the last one and it was covered in bugs, it was disgusting (a year in the attic). We all sat at the table (unknowing this) with our plated food and he came, sat down with an empty plate of bugs. (Life, HA!)

There was a fire on my dining room table last night (a burning candle and wrapping paper) and in the chaos of it all and of course, after it was out…I had to laugh.  Life can change in a blink of an eye. HA!

People can be in your life and then their gone.  Life and death. Feelings of being lost or stuck, wondering who you? And then a fleck of sunlight peaks its delicate ray through the dark clouds and something changes. Maybe you jump off that cliff, go with your gut, take a leap of faith with a job change, meet someone that changes your perspective on the world, make a dream come true, get engaged, publish a book, take a risk you normally wouldn’t, meet someone you feel that gives you that spark (it’s real, it’s raw-pay attention to it), graduations, marriages, children; there is so much life to live.  So many places to see and things to do. As I get older I realize I want to have more experiences, I don’t need anything…there are so many other people who actually “need” in this world…in a strange way I feel that this is exactly what I need…. experiences, more of them…act on the experiences I crave and desire.  I want to experience life through helping others daily…make that be one hell of new year’s resolution (and of course, 15 pull-ups, 40 box jumps and 40 burpees at Crossfit)!

In my selfishness I want to pack a bag, throwing the camping gear in the car and just go…. just drive…. just explore…leave my camera at home (yes, I said that!) and breathe in the moments that I find myself soaking in, exist in them, actually feel “life” …. make the word “adventure” …an action word (for you, literary peeps)!!  Here is my last selfish thought…. when I get back from that trip without being on a schedule I want to fill that same backpack with clean clothes and start over on a plane and actually go to places on my soul’s list…help build a school, be an aide where there has been a natural disaster…. help them rebuild…. things happen everywhere every day and I want to give…give everything that I have to somewhere or someone in need; this is a great desire of mine. Other places: Africa, Nicaragua, Vietnam, Bali, Ireland, Nepal, Iceland, Paris (see where my mother was born), Australia (where my sister was born), oh’ backpack across Europe living simply day to day with no plan, oh’ and join the Coast Guard!!

Anybody in??

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(Back to last night.) A room of laughter can easily be turned into worry and fraught as people are too worried about who started the fire rather than get that shit out of my house…burnt paper dusted the carpet and tiled floors. Celebrating with family and friends doesn’t need to be just be on those scheduled days on the calendar. Most people will never give those up for “tradition” sake. But why not get off the forged path ahead and be spontaneous…do something different. Be together to just be.  Be together for no reason.  Be together for an hour two. Sneak off take that trip, commit and go for it, take that leap.  Live!

All we have the moments we exist in!  If you think about today, Christmas…really think about how long this day is; 24 hours, right!?!  But how long does this day actually feel to you?  Does it feel like it drags on and on? Year after year it flies by so fast, we hurry through this day not purposefully but because there is just so much too this day. Many days in life feel this way. Take that leap, experience more, when you feel moved to jump, do it, adventure, take the moments, steal them if you too, give them back in another way but do give them back, karma baby.

*******

“And while she never felt quite normal, she just loved too much. Choosing to see the world through her heart, instead of her eyes.”

Grandpa’s Orchard: Oregon History

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One hundred years ago, George Dorris, a lawyer turned farmer, knelt in the soil between the soils of the McKenzie and Willamette rivers and planted five acres of hazelnut trees. Dorris’s trees were the first commercial hazelnut orchard in Oregon.

With that orchard, Dorris planted the state’s hazelnut industry. Over the years, he planted a dozen more orchards and established a hazelnut nursery that operated for 40 years and produced about 70,000 trees per year.

Today, about 650 Oregon families grow hazelnuts commercially on 28,000 acres throughout the Willamette Valley. It’s estimated that more than half of those trees came from Dorris nursery stock.

“There’s been a lot of progress in the industry, but what was done with hazelnuts at the Dorris Ranch formed the starting point for where we are today.”

And today, Oregon accounts for 99 percent of the hazelnuts grown in the United States and is the third largest producer of hazelnuts in the world, behind Turkey and Italy.

The state’s harvest of hazelnuts, which are also called filberts, averages more than $30 million in farm sales. Hazelnuts have found their way into a distinctively Oregon cuisine. Dipped in rich chocolate, crumbled over a fillet of wild Oregon salmon, or munched whole and washed down with an Oregon microbrew, hazelnuts add flavor, crunch and a nutritional boost to snacks and recipes.

Hazelnuts are easy to love, but they are not always easy to grow. In the 1970s hazelnut growers in southwestern Washington discovered a fungal disease had swept through their orchards like termites, forming cankers that were slowly taking over the branches, it was eastern filbert blight. Spores carrying the blight travel easily in the wind and quickly contaminated entire orchards. By 1986, the blight struck the north end of the Willamette Valley.

In order to get more Oregon hazelnuts on the world market, growers must first get trees into the ground, and propagating adequate numbers of trees in a short time can be a challenge. To date, Oregon raises 99% of the United State crop.  Many of our hazelnuts get sent out of the U.S. to places like China.

It takes about 5-7 years for the new trees to begin dropping hazelnuts.  It is a waiting game for awhile.  But we think it is well worth the waiting game. To our surprise on our farm; three generations now working on the farm we take care of our families as if they are family members.

 

Sited:  OSU Extension Services, By Amiee Brown

My morning in Nature…

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I needed to get outside early this morning. Take a drive. Feel the breeze on my skin and flow through my hair.  Soil under foot and let my mind go…

“Courage is simply the willingness to be afraid and act anyway.”

                                                                          -Dr. R. Anthony

MacDonald Forest

Angel by S. McLachlan

 

The trees change color around me

leaves fall and I feel that each

floats like a feather to the moist ground

gracefully carrying us to the new year

yellow, orange, and deep red

surround me in this foreign patch of

grass-tall fir trees tower above

they creak as the wind blows them

this and that way…

pacific northwest winds swoop in

the cool breeze brushes my bare arms

my grandfather’s military green sweater

oversized, itchy wool, a bit musty

wraps me in memories

barefoot I stand,

soil cold and wet

pine needles cover the path

McDonald Forest is my place

of solitude this morning

I look up to the sky

guarded by tree branches

eyes closed I can picture

beyond the pine needles

comforted by the silence

I walk for about an hour

and then back again

wind picking up and the chill

makes me quiver and shake

my worries swirl around me

stolen by the air

time comes to mind

I try to push it out

forcefully, I fail

the hustle and bustle not forgotten

I was unaware for hours

In the breeze, in nature

nothing seems to matter

where I can just be me