Cushman

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the water flickers around me and I think of you

you’ve been gone for years and I still feel

my toes in the water at the lake

 

I’m reminded by

the place you rest now

You, G’ma, and an uncle I don’t remember

the mountains a lush green

tips of trees creating texture where you are

 

it holds your embrace, grace, and all of my memories

surrounded by water

 

Now,

in a new place and the unflattering color of the canyon

reflects on the water

a slow moving ripple carries itself to the banks all around me

 

silver fish jump and I can still see you

hear you whisper that you loved me in my ear

the white sail boat wrecked

turned sandbox for

your grandchild and great grandchild

Need a Reboot?

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Everyone needs to get away. We need to take a break from the daily chores that start, stop, and repeat that life requires us to do, to be successful productive individuals in this world.

Recently, I was given the opportunity to escape or getaway. Although, I do not like leaving my family and I miss them so much when I am gone, I think everyone needs to get off the beating path of monotony of every day life.  My family is always tucked close to my heart, thinking of them in the time that I am away and quite often thoughts of them consume conversations when I am not with them.

As I have gotten older, my kids have gotten older and so much of them are a part of my conversations everyday that I wonder what I used to talk about before I had kids.  It’s this all consuming love and fulfillment everyday that it’s impossible to think about what my life would be like without them in it.

So, when I get the opportunity to check out for a few hours, a day, two days…it’s actually hard for me to make the decision to leave but it fills a place in me that is full of wonderment and laughter about the world in the the time that I am away. I think it is the change of scenery that refreshes and in a way, reboots us all that is important.

Writing Prompt

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Can’t wait to explore these words today…at my favorite place to visit with my laptop and that copper bar top.

New Posting Coming…

Free Write\ing

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Recently, I have become very aware of how busy life is, no, I didn’t just wake up yesterday and realize it. Over the last few years my twin boys have gotten older thus a lot busier with activities.

I don’t know if it’s just my twins but since the beginning mine have been completely attached at the hip.  I constantly ask adult twins or people who know twins…. if they still get along as adults.  I have heard way more no’s thank yes’s.  I would say there is something special about having multiples…my twins are something else.  The connection is crazy real, crazy intense, and I hope it’s always crazy close!

This weekend we rocked the Yamaha Twin Engine for about 12-16 hours and two tanks.  Sun was awesome…like therapy for me. Burning energy, no worries…completely blissed out.

Sunday, we had our longest and closest friends come with their children for the day.  They live about an hour away with two kids about our ages, not twins, but just as busy as any other family out there, maybe even a bit busier.

So, I don’t get to see this friend of mine very often…I think one year we went 7 months without seeing each other maybe longer.  It’s tough as children get older and move up thru the grades in school. It gets harder and harder to plan and see friends especially if you live an hour from each other. Even friends that live miles away somehow find their way back to each other.

Yesterday, in my complete blissed out state I realized I was in these… numbered hours of perfection (and I have written in my blog about perfection not existing, so here I go contradicting myself). Sitting and laughing with my friend, screaming over the boat engine and the yelling kids. It was heaven! And oh, did I laugh.  The good kind, the belly laugh.  The kind of laugh where a few hours later, that moment pops into your head again and you start laughing out loud.

I can’t really give you (my readers) one specific example of the joy that occurred yesterday on the river in a boat with our friends.

I will try a few words/phrases:

Being in the water (I love the water)

Playing with a foam football in the river

Splashing a dry person before they splash you

Cruising in the boat, good music, drinks

Good company…

Jumping off the boat mid float

Laughing so hard you almost wet your pants

Chasing kids in the water

Splashing….

Tubing, floating, food

My twins finish school this week for the summer and my house is buzzing with excitement!! I hope you all have the kinds of friends we do and get to experience these moments of joy, bliss, and enchantment throughout life with them.

Enjoy your week, my friends!!

 

 

A New Day

Great song to get your morning going! Light Years by Pearl Jam

 

I sit here early Saturday morning listening to Halo, our family dog bark outside the window. The sun creeps threw the half opened shades casting a shadow across the dining room table.  The laundry is tumbling in the dryer and the house is quiet.

Grandpa and Grandma have the twins for the weekend and it is so very quiet, so quiet one can hear the dripping from the bathroom sink.

I am paused in this moment and feel so grateful for all of the things in my life.  I am so lucky to have my family and my husband’s family, to have such a wonderful husband and my sister as my best friend.

The smell of fresh cut grass flows in from the cracked window, flowers bloom, and Spring time brings new growth on our farm.

The orchard is beautiful out my window, endless bounty if she is taken care of…fresh new growth, bright green leaves, and this year’s crop on its way.DSC_2620

A Shout out to Teachers!!

I have been thinking a lot lately about teachers. I just signed up and am now enrolled for a week long writing workshop with my high school creative writing teacher…for me learning should never end.  Granted, you have a number of years to  be taught in a school setting.

It’s an empowering feeling that comes when you complete the task at hand, the report, the project, and for me at 39-I will never stop learning-Wether it be how to be a better writer, mom, wife, bookkeeper, photographer, I will never quit learning. I believe learning is important to all people at all ages.

I think about the things that people say about my father as a teacher.  He has been retired for a few years now but I still run into people who ask about him and share with me the wonderful stories of how he impacted their lives.  I actually had my dad as a teacher, years ago and I remember loving watching him (he always looked like he was so happy-elated really, to be a teacher) but I also remember him being very strict with me.  I understand why now because he wouldn’t show any special treatment with his own daughter but I remember thinking he was a great teacher!

Fast forward to today, I have two 12 yr old boys who each struggle in their own subjects and with different social situations. I lean on their teacher’s to tell me what is going on, to help me help them with homework, to let me know when they are having a bad day or a good day.  I expect them to move mountains for my children and they do!

I also believe some teachers see me walk down the hall and want to run like hell to their classrooms and lock the doors.  🙂 I can often become emotional about my children (after all, they are my kids and they deserve the best). Their growth in school is something I feel I need to be actively involved in because I have no control about what it is happening when they are in school.  Again, I rely on the teachers.  So, for any of you who have known me as a parent and you have had my child in your class, I am not crazy however, I am fighter for their education, I am also a fighter for you (teachers), if any teacher came to me about something they needed in their class, I would go out of my way to help them personally get it.  If they needed a voice, I would give mine.

Teachers, I need you to do your best and have the supplies you need to be the best teachers you can be! Down to my core, I believe that the teacher/parent relationship is so important.  So, to some of you, I am sorry if you ever had to pass me the box of Kleenex in your classroom. I am passionate about my children’s education and you deliver that to them!

We have been blessed to have some amazing teachers for our boys.  Teachers that go above and beyond, they embrace their roll as their educators, they do not give them the answers they work to help show them the way, these educators deserve more-every year we pack their classrooms with more and more students, less supplies, and less time for hands-on learning…..there is so much testing and standards that MUST be met.

I wonder, if we gave teachers the standards to meet for a year and didn’t have to worry about specific standardized tests–what would happen in those classrooms.  I believe those teachers would guide their students to fly….if they met the requirements set by the state but they were not limited by how they fulfilled those requirements.  Just think…what that would do for the teachers and most of all, for our students and children!? The entire classroom would light on fire with learning and ideas….minds asking questions and exploring new and different subjects that just don’t fit in to today’s curriculum.

Teachers are an incredible resource, they are a special kind of person. These people are rare! When you find a good one, try to figure out how you can keep them in your child’s life, so they develop a bond and the student will always know they can go there (to that teacher).  They will know and feel that that specific teacher will always have their back. They give and give without expecting anything in return.  We need them, more of the them, and it seems every year the number of actual teachers, we have, drops.

So, if you get the chance and see a teacher-your childhood teacher, or teacher’s you  have now, make sure to thank them and let me know how important they are to you and your world. I know I need to thank the teacher’s that help my boys’ every day. Without teachers, what would our children and future look like?

 

Did she or didn’t she??

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Few may know this about me, but I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat.  It can happen anytime as long as I feel safe and comfortable.  I can fall asleep in the middle of an action-packed triller, a romantic comedy, or any movie or book for that matter.  At the end of every day, no matter what was happening that day–my body relaxes and my eyes just shut.  Yes, I am one of those people who try to fight it-sometimes one eye open, then two, then one again….this could go on for an hour. In and out, in and out as I fight sleep-sometimes even being taunted by those who claim they love me.

My husband and children think it’s hilarious to shout and yell mom just as my eyes close, always I am startled awake and the room fills with laughter.

Just this weekend, while on a quick trip to Great Wolf Lodge in Grand Mound, WA. with my sister and her two daughters, I was reminded of their love for me.  I was told at the end of the trip, that they all were trying to talk to me and mess with me…just as I was falling asleep each night.  Asking me questions, and I was answering them with nonsense as if, I was coherent.

Yes, Yes, my sister of all people, know I can fall asleep anywhere.  I think her least favorite past time is starting movies with me-any genre, no matter the movie title or who’s in it, or how bad we wanted to see it together-I usually miss 3/4 of the movie and she is left awake giggling to herself because she can never stop a movie in the the middle and restart it later.  She and my husband have this same problem, they can’t sleep until it’s over. And for me, that’s not really a problem.

Does it really matter, how many movies that I have started one night with someone and finished the next day alone?  I don’t think so but to some, I could say, I understand this frustration when they lean over to me to say something and again I am sawing ZZZ’s as they are trapped awake and can’t possible hit pause on the movie and join me in my slumber. I know, I am not the only one who suffers from early on set sleep mode when the play button is pushed at the beginning of a movie.  Come on, I know you people exist out there.

Anyway, this weekend, I remember begin curled up under the most wonderful Chenille blanket on my sister’s side of the double bed we shared for the weekend…kids running around making noise…I remember feeling this smooth wave of rest wash over me and no, the t.v. was not on. I dozed off again.  At one point, I continuously remember feeling a small brush or tickle on the bottom of my feet or foot, I was not awake enough to know whether it was happening on one foot or both.  I was in a sleep state where I don’t actually know if someone was messing with me or if in my dream there were bugs tickling my feet, or feathers grazing across my bare feet, or for that matter, whether or not it was dear ol’ sis freaking messing with me.  I don’t remember her ever speaking or making a sound as I slept. The last thing I do remember was hearing my sister, say, “we will get our swimsuits on and meet you down at the pool, shortly.”

So, I am on the bed in my tortured bug infested dream…imagining or feeling (in real life) that my feet were being -ucked with…I lurch forward at the hips to what felt like slamming my head up against a brick wall and awake by my dear sister, who decides it would be a good idea….while her wonderful little sister sleeps…to tickle her forehead and nose with the corner of the feather weight Chenille blanket.

I am now awake…not really awake in the way, I like to wake up slowly. But jerked up by her stupid humor…..and who actually thought that was hilarious but herself and the empty quiet room she was in. Oh’ boy did she ever think it was hilarious!

As for myself, not so much.  We get dressed and I begin to tell her about my foot issue….was it a dream or was she actually messing with me??  Of course, she denied nothing of the sort.  And she stuck with that answer.

The weekend passes and it’s never brought up again…did I ever get even with her for tickling my forehead and nose??? No.  Oh, but I will!

So, I am asking you. Do you think she was messing with me the whole time….were the bugs on my feet disguised and it was really my sister’s fingers?? Or, if I know her as well as I think I do, possibly a plastic fork?

Either way, she’ll get hers next time we see each other!

 

 

 

 

Across this page…

Pair-Green-upholstered-arm-chair-2-seatI will write to you

What I cannot say

Always; its blankness is inviting and free to explore

Fear, Passion, Pain, and simply put—

Words to express to you who I am, who I want to be, please don’t go.

 

I will open to you on these lines

A part of me, very few see

Always; its freeness is allowing me to give you everything that I am—

Scratches of ink that create not the most beautiful words but words

I cannot always speak in that old green corner chair.

 

I will memorize the different smiles you have, all of your different laughs, your eyes

Always; I need them every day—

Only to recognize your face and words later…I know I will remember.

 

I will think of you

Always; our stillness together finds its way back to where we are

Specific words and language on a card, first blank like this page

A necklace, Nike sweatshirt and twinkle lights & a pine tree

 

I will give this to you

Someday

Always; a blank sheet or computer screen to find us again—

To re-explore all that we are, used to be, and want to be

 

I will see you…