Cushman

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the water flickers around me and I think of you

you’ve been gone for years and I still feel

my toes in the water at the lake

 

I’m reminded by

the place you rest now

You, G’ma, and an uncle I don’t remember

the mountains a lush green

tips of trees creating texture where you are

 

it holds your embrace, grace, and all of my memories

surrounded by water

 

Now,

in a new place and the unflattering color of the canyon

reflects on the water

a slow moving ripple carries itself to the banks all around me

 

silver fish jump and I can still see you

hear you whisper that you loved me in my ear

the white sail boat wrecked

turned sandbox for

your grandchild and great grandchild

To My Grandfather…

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I hold you in my hand

your silent ashes dust my palm

fist clenched, I couldn’t release you,

colorful petals to guide you

beneath me, Lake Cushman

above me, a cloudless blue shy

around me, an icy wind without you

everyone who loved you…

A memory of your still body

I stared at you for countless hours

but now, your body does not exist

my angry hand loosens around you

I wanted one last goodbye, your whiskers scratching my face

but I missed it…

remembering the last words we shared

Today, I face life outside you

wondering what our words would’ve been in our last moments

making myself promises because of you

striving for goals to prove myself…”write,” you said.

I can’t guarantee mistakes won’t be made

but I will live on with your name honorably

Not ready, I let you fall between my fingers…

I put you to rest surrounded by family

and the wind carries you to the surface of the water