Changes of Color

Back by D. Bently 

Seasons_Change_HD_Ready-e1263163856695-288x300

The trees change color around me

leaves fall and I feel that each

floats like a feather to the moist ground

gracefully carrying us to the new year

 

yellow, orange, and deep red

surround me in this foreign patch of

grass-tall fir trees tower above

 

they creak as the wind blows them

this and that way…

pacific northwest winds swoop in

the cool breeze brushes my bare arms

my grandfather’s military green sweater

oversized, itchy wool, a bit musty

wraps me in memories

 

barefoot I stand,

soil cold and wet

pine needles cover the path

McDonald Forest is my place

of solitude this morning

 

I look up to the sky

guarded by tree branches

eyes closed I can picture

beyond the pine needles

 

comforted by the silence

I walk for about an hour

and then back again

wind picking up and the chill

makes me quiver and shake

 

my worries swirl around me

stolen by the air

time comes to mind

I try to push it out

forcefully, I fail

 

the hustle and bustle not forgotten

I was unaware for hours

In the breeze, in nature

nothing seems to matter

where I can just be stand

in this moment

d.t.k

Shadow

By Joshua Radin

lake-billy-chinook

 

Castle like rocks stretch the lining of the west side of the water

casting a shadow across the left side of the canyon

the shadow slowly climbs to the top of the ridge

a warm breeze blows the hair across my face

trees scattered about the canyon walls

and I can count the ones that circle me

 

the stair steps of the rock that cascade around us

now shelters the water from sun

the gray flicker of water rocking the boat

back and forth

back and forth

Darkness cannot come fast enough

 

Trees show off their reflection to left

To the right

I rest in the middle of this beauty

 

Wet hair dripping lake water down my back

observing…

being in this moment

 

 

 

 

Sinking Sunlight

1water

Wake Me Up by Ed Sheenan

 

You come to me in the sunlight

The flicker on the water

my mind sinking into you

deeper and deeper

 

and I can’t get closer

will you find me somewhere floating?

toward you

can you take the time?

find me, I am here

 

this moment wont come again

the grey, white and black

toward you

but do you see me

…everything reflects

 

I picture you

I see your hands

And the depth of your eyes

Lost somewhere below the surface

…eight feet below

 

they move quickly around the light

darkness surrounds me

and the people near me are unaware

in my mind

…sinking deeper

 

this can mean what you want it too

the transparency, I need

give me a chance

 

companionship is what I seek

conversation, I require

attention, I need and

Still, I have to feel wanted

 

 

View full post

sad_033

On her good days he is there.

When she feels like the weight of the world is baring down on her shoulders, when taking another step seems impossible, and when she feels empty inside he passes through her in her mind, her body, and her heart, she feels nothing.

There are a million little things about life to cheer for to be excited about and to be present in every moment this is required.  Let your shit go and just live. Who you are drifts – back like a heavy fog in the trees or across the highways and you slow to a crawl because you cannot see.

She can see but not in color. Everything is grey. Every once in awhile there are faded rainbow shades of color that sneak back in, then she blink and it’s gone.  There isn’t a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow but quick sand that pulls her deeper and deeper. She swims in cold water and something keeps grabbing her ankles and pulls her head under. She can’t breathe and  she is stuck in the darkness.

On her bad days he leaves her. Its been happening for years and he has lost something in her and she in him.  The heaviness in her chest bares down and she drops to her knees, holding herself up by her arms locked at the wrist in the rain covered cement.

Please come back her.

You Can’t Win Them All

IMG_5690

Do you ever get into a conversation that is going no where? After a few “back and forth” across the table, you resign yourself to the fact that there is no point.  Yet, in some sick and twisted way you still engage and can’t walk away. I think it is hard for me because I can’t just walk away when I don’t believe in something someone is saying.

I strive to be heard – the real me.  For someone to truly know me inside and out, the good the bad, the ugly. Also, all the warm fuzzy parts of me – what I think is a sense of humor, kind, full of love, and a dreamer.

Somewhere across the table there is a personification of the strength of Thor – there isn’t anything breaking through no matter how much there might be a shock and aww moment.

For me, it’s not about him winning or me winning…. it’s about compromise and the tug of war that continues to go on seems to get you no where. He pulls, you pull. What is this actually helping you either of you – defiantly not seeing more clearly.

I hate to say it but I have seen my clearest sense about me when I am put under extreme dangerous situations or on any days of trauma. There have been deaths that came unexpectedly, illness, accidents, near death experiences for me and in the eye of the tornado, I know I am the calming force.  As the tornado dissolves I usually end up with heavy emotions weighing on my shoulders the way “Atlas” held the weight of the world on his “Shoulders.”

Some days you don’t win them all, some days I don’t win at all. Sometimes there are a lot of deep breaths where I have learned to quite my mind. And take a long moment to pause and realize I am blessed with.

 

** Keep watching for my book to order later this month!

A Place of Comfort…

FullSizeRender-9

A navy bench lines the wall with a chalk board of half erased cocktails and what’s “on tap” … covering the green and yellow wall.  The bank it once was only remembered, in the now as a game room complete with barred doors, a deadbolt and a dartboard at the end of the room.  In 1926 the vault held treasures, gold, wills, and secrets of plenty.

Stories whirl around me and I listen without listening.  Ease dropping, people would hate and enjoy the ridiculousness of their topics. Girls giggle and coo and a young man sits at at the same table texting and looking around the entirety of the bar. He looks bored but continues to listen as if he really cares.

A couple dines, what seems to be a Thursday night date. They eat, drink a beer, wine, food, napkins on laps and then breeze back through the ding of the door without saying goodbye.

The men behind the bar are bearded and sexy.  One, with slicked hair, with what looks to be a curling iron burn on his forehead (which can’t be right, in my mind), it goes on. He has a mustache for miles curled up in just the right way it looks to be cradling his nostrils just beyond his face.

Three in vests holding to a fashion piece in their closest but I think this maybe their only piece. But hey, does any man need more than one statement piece?  A suit jacket makes anything look good and a vest and tie looks good with any bottom…. maybe not whitey-tighties or boxers but the right lady, would love it!!

Oh, another shows up and waits behind the counter in a tweed vest, backed with maroon polyester running from here to there, douting on any person who waves their hand in the air.  Clearing menus, regurgitating the nightly specials, and running with plates at his shoulder like a marathoner without the number on his shirt but only the 100 meters and shorter – table to table, back and forth, back and forth.

Kindness, gentle, and a black paisley tie runs down the V of the owner’s vest, maybe needs his neck-hair trimmed…. the beard is very Duck Dynasty but somehow fits him.  It’s rugged and sexy.  Rough waves have knocked him to his knees lately but not to the ground.  How is that men can take so much more of an emotional mental beating than women? Are women not built to be as equipped? Quick to respond or just built from different materials?? Are men just better at hiding it??

Women are completely built to handle what men can, I say.  Strength is something I will not argue.  Sometimes it comes down to men being men.  I would like to be tough and rugged but I am not.  I am determined and committed to complete any task but can’t handle what most men can…honestly, no.  I am frank and I am honest about this.  I am who I am.

However, I would like to give a big shout out to four women: JMM, Utah, DJ, and BH.  These women can move mountains and if you put any of these women against any normal man…in a certain setting – ANY of these women would do some serious damage to any part of their body.

I know if anyone came after my kids, I do not know what I would be capable of. I would probably surprise myself! I would be kickin’ some serious shit. Woman, defending spawn.

This place, I have written four times now with the same people behind the bar. The same hi-backed chair, the same copper bar top, and the same “me” sitting at the end corner of the bar with a laptop.

I write well here, there is no explanation. Is it the ambiance? Maybe the way I show up? It’s quiet and then very loud as the hours pass. Expecting nothing but the blank computer screen in front of me?

Who knows, but I keep coming back to this place that I find comfort, people that I would say are “my tribe” and an evening of observing people.  Or at least, feeling comfort with my “words,” in this moment with these friends and another few moments pass as the minutes’ hand circles the clock on the wall.

They Call Me Athlete

Running-blur

 

They Call Me Athlete

I run, I lift, I walk, I squat-

I swim, I spin, I paddle, I peddle-

I give, I try, I win, I lose-

I push, I pull, I am fast, I am strong

I jump, I shoot, I hit, I catch-

I listen, I question, I decide, I move-

I sweat, I bruise, I bleed, I sprain-

I ice, I elevate, I stretch, I recover-

I study, I learn, I watch, I hear-

I encourage, I help, I cheer, I strategize-

I do not QUIT-

They Call Me Athlete.

Give & Take

thR24WG5VS

Do you ever get to place in your life where you are no longer getting anything out of a relationship?

For example; where silences get longer on the phone, a strange awkwardness when you are together in the same room, or perhaps something has happened between two people that simply can’t be undone. For one person it is not repairable but the other just continues on as if nothing has happened. This friend goes about her business and when it is convenient, she will resurface in your life again.

Sometimes, what breaks my heart the most is the idea that someone expects me to do something because it is what they want, with no understanding, what so ever that it might not work for the other person? I know there are takers and givers in every situation….in any relationship there should be reciprocal giving and taking. There will be days when one is just not strong enough to give and days where one takes more than the other.  It is the middle ground and equilibrium where the relationship should be steadfast itself.  The relationship itself should be able to balance itself on the tip on a needle…one will be overcompensating for the other but will understand that someday the favor will be returned.  Generally, in strong relationships, I believe this to be true. It is what I strive to practice.

I have struggled and I have loved in all my relationships, no matter whether we are friends or lovers. I have said goodbye and hello to people who have left my life and tried to return to my life. I do not pass judgement on past or present. I welcome the idea of moving on but I don’t want the same flaws to show up in the same relationships.  Automatically, my mind goes to “not this again”.

I have been have been braving a new path since the new year, working on my own dreams and taking care of my ever-growing 12 year old twins. I am working on projects that I don’t need to share with anyone.  I feel blessed to lean on the people who are there for me.  Who generally want to know about me?

Comfort finds me surprised getting your unexpected messages. I never know when they will come but each one puts me at ease.

Ivory Keys

public-domain-images-free-stock-photos-high-quality-resolution-downloads-around-the-house-1-1000x666

You are the white and black keys

surrounded by a life of music

Your wooden exterior, felted pads, and foot pedals

standing stable and upright –

There is always a silent invitation at your bench

some say your voice makes them live

It is with their gentle touch stroking your keys

that makes them love your music

different volumes, sounds, tones-

feelings and expression without words

This comes from the spirit of your lovers

Sometimes, you are silent and still

the composer away from you keys

in their mind – humming and singing

your sounds are imagined

Music that fits any mood and any season

flows like a stream from the rain

left by the night

You sing and dance in early hours and the darkness of night

your keys send a tumbling breeze out a cracked window

Generations have loved your voice

young ones fall in love

you are defined but allow newness…

and again, your sound is rediscovered

You will live on beyond this life…

timeless